This was going to be a Facebook status, but instead of a status that was so long you had to click the “read more” button, I just decided to attach it to my website where everyoneeeeee can see how terrible of a person I am. 

Let’s dive right in. On my way home today I had to stop at the Trader Joe’s on Folsom Blvd. If you live here, I’m sure you’ve been there and you know it’s an absolute nightmare. If you don’t live here, it was voted the worst parking lot in Sacramento last year in some article I read, prob from the SacBee or something. 

I went a specific way to get there that kind of had me backtracking but I did it so that I was coming from the direction that would allow me to make a right hand turn into the parking lot instead of a left holding up traffic and waiting for a year for someone to let me turn in. When I pulled in, there were 4 cars in front of me and my eyes immediately started to scan the parking lot. Who is backing up? Who is walking to their car? How old are there (aka how long will it take them to load up and get to steppin)? I saw that there was a considerable amount of cars leaving so I waited for my turn to pull into a spot. There was one car up pretty far ahead on my left that kept putting their car into reverse and inching out and then someone else would pull out and go in that direction so they would pull back in and put it in park. There was a parking attendant working but he was busy chatting it up with some older lady, he was also to my left. 

Finally the cars in front of me have pulled into their spots and I’m slowly creeping up to the car that has been trying to pull out since I pulled in. I’m going very slow because they clearly aren’t an aggressive driver and I don’t want to spook them. I look to my right and there’s an old lady walking on the side of my car and I decided to stop in case she needed to cross over. Right as I did that she turned to face me, shot me a nasty ass look and said “Well are you going to fucking go or not?!!” 

Whoaaaaaa whoa whoa take it eassssy lady. She had apparently been trying to out walk my slow moving car to get ahead of it and cross over but I didn’t notice because she was in a blind spot. She crossed in front of my car and then continued to give me dirty looks and shake her finger at me when she got to her trunk. You had to see her to get the full picture here but my blood for whatever reason, was boiling. I parked my car and just at this moment the parking attendant started paying attention, the lady was still staring me down and I yelled, 

“I didn’t even see you, you old BAT.”

In that moment I felt really good and really bad at the same time. Like she deserved it, I was being a courteous driver and she was giving me the ultimate death stare not to mention she said “fucking” to me. What kind of 80 year old says that to a stranger? “The Ellen Show” clearly isn’t in her daytime TV lineup. I noticed the parking attendant now furrowing his brow at me while walking towards her to help put her groceries in her trunk. Cool, I’M THE BAD GUY. 

I strutted inside with an “Ill show them” pep in my step. Not sure what I was showing them, but I went for it. I thought about it the entire time I was inside. Was she still thinking about this the way I was? Was she going to call her grandchildren and tell them some woman tried to hit her in the Trader Joe’s parking lot becauseeee that would be a lie. My shopping trip was short, I only needed a few things and when I went back out to my car, the parking attendant gave me a solid look and it wasn’t a good one. I get it, but he didn’t see the whole thing go down, he didn’t fact check before giving me that look. I almost, allllmossst said something to him to defend myself but I decided to drop it. I got in my car, put it in reverse and looked for him to help me get out of my spot without hitting any cars or old women. Nope, he walked his happy ass up on the curb and was going to let me do it myself. No help from him. 

I yelled at an old lady and this was my payback, getting out of the worst parking lot in Sacramento with zero assistance from the guy who has ONE JOB– to help people get out of their parking spots. 3 hours later I’m still thinking about it….I wonder if Barb is. 

DISCLAIMER: (I’ve decided her name is Barb, please don’t judge me for any of this, I feel really bad about it, but it also felt really good at the time.) 

As I’m putting the finishing touches on this post, Brett comes at me hella crazy about how I’m placing the electric blanket on the bed when I’m making it in the morning. OHHH so you want some of this too?